How to Make An Apology
 By R.K. Sparkman

In the course of your business dealings, you’ve probably done something wrong once or twice. Maybe you’ve failed to keep a promise. Or perhaps you’ve disappointed someone who relied on you. Or maybe you’ve just been a jerk. We’ve all been there.

In the wake of such unpleasant events, you have two choices: You can make it worse or you can make it better. It’s amazing how many business owners opt for making things worse, rather than better.

Here’s how to turn that bad situation into a worse one: Don’t apologize.

Here’s how to make things better: Apologize.

We all make mistakes or disappoint or just get up on the wrong side of the bed occasionally and do things we wouldn’t write home about. But there’s no reason afterward that we can’t make amends by doing the right thing.

Usually it’s pride, arrogance or fear that keeps us from apologizing. Sometimes all three. The remedy is the unlikely combination of a dose of humility and a little courage.

Here is the straightforward solution to repairing damaged business relationships when you’ve been in the wrong:

• First, swallow your pride and admit your error. This is unfashionable in our litigation-happy era. But nonetheless it’s the necessary first step to true healing: “I did wrong …”

• Second, sincerely apologize. That doesn’t mean saying, “I’m sorry.” It means saying, “I apologize for (fill in the error of your ways).”
  
  Sorrow is simply a sign that you’re remorseful. Remorse is all about you. An apology means you admit guilt. It’s all about repentance. Apologies are all about the one you’ve wronged: “Please accept my apology, and I hope you can forgive me.”

• Third, now it’s true confession time. Only after the injured party understands that you have admitted doing wrong, apologized and are seeking forgiveness, is it appropriate to share how you feel about the offense. “I feel terrible about disappointing you. I hope this hasn’t harmed our relationship.”

• Fourth, make it right. Offer to correct the problem and to make fixing it your highest priority: “Please allow me to do what I originally should have done …”

• Fifth, build on the experience. Learn from your mistake and communicate what you have learned to the injured party. “You have my word, this won’t happen again. I value our relationship too much to repeat (fill in your blunder).”

If you’re unaccustomed to such stuff, you’ll probably be surprised to learn that most people, including customers and vendors, are willing to forgive when they receive a sincere apology, particularly when the wrong is made right. You’ll also discover that you’ll feel better about yourself too, having done the right thing.

One last point: Let the relationship dictate the form of your apology. All apologies should be delivered as soon as possible, but not all need be on bended knee at the aggrieved party’s doorstep.

If your relationship with the injured party is strictly mail order, contact by mail to deliver the apology is entirely appropriate. However, if the party normally deals with you over the counter, a telephone call or even a personal visit may be called for. If your only contact is by e-mail, don’t startle the already injured party by knocking on his door. Tailor the apology to what is most appropriate for the relationship.

The worst case scenario is that the damage you originally caused can’t be repaired. But even so, you have the consolation that you’ve done the right thing. And despite your earlier transgression, you can look your client or contractor in the eye with a clear conscience.

The best case scenario is that you more than offset the original damage and create an even stronger bond with your client or contractor as a result of your sincere, conscientious apology.


(Posted April 2006)

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